Fandom: Marvel Movieverse » Thor
Personaggi: Thor, Loki, Frigga, Odino
Note: scritta per il secondo Carnevale delle Lande e per assicurarmi almeno la strisciolina di soglia di fidipù per questo mese "XD also è in inglese.
"Do you wanna build a snowman?" Thor asks Loki, once his brother is awake enough to realize what is happening around him and not lost in yet another of his weird dreams. Thor's been bouncing on his bed incessantly, and now he's getting impatient.
"Go back to bed, Thor...", he replies, mildly annoyed but the faintest smile upon his tiny pale lips. There's some sort of crackling joy running through his veins already. It's probably the ice pumping and pressing to be released, it's probably the magic he's always liberating through his fingertips, and it never sleeps so every morning his bed's cold as ice cubes.
"No, come on brother! Let's go out and make snowmen!" Thor insists, smiling and cackling, bouncing up and down. Finally, Loki gives in and sits on the bed, taking Thor's hands between his own. "Alright, Thor, let's turn Asgard into ice” he says, while his face breaks into a wide grin. Thor yelps with happiness, and Loki smiles because making Thor happy is what makes his days less boring, less ordinary. He likes chaos, and tonight he's not gonna be the only one to blame.
The big, wide hall fills up with snow and ice almost immediately, and Thor's eyes widen with joy and childish will to play. Loki tries to look as if it doesn’t affect him at all: he fails miserably. He has never been able – despite his best efforts – not to smile at the sight of his brother’s glee. More often than not, he feels out of place there, being the only one with magic filling his fingertips. He usually finds himself sitting alone, creating big unnatural snowflakes and never feeling one bit of cold, even in the midst of a blizzard. However, when Thor's with him, staring at him with those bright big blue eyes, then everything's alright. He usually doesn't smile much, but Thor has some inexplicable ways of getting under his skin and light him up like a tiny bonfire does with huge quantities of oil. And he's so energetic jumping on Loki's snow-made little hills of snow… At some point, though, he's jumping a little too fast. Loki cannot keep up. He starts to fear for his brother’s safety: Loki is not a master of control, quite the opposite. He's, in fact, the one creating chaos wherever he goes for some reason, willingly or not. And when chaos mixes up with panic, well, that’s even worse.
Completely losing his aim, he ends up hitting Thor in the head with some snow from his magic-filled hand.
His tiny body falls heavily like a dead weight and for the first time in his life Loki feels the unforgiving clench of cold in his heart. Saliva is hard to swallow, and while he rushes to the seemingly lifeless body of Thor he starts crying like he hasn't done in so much time. For the first time he's holding tight on Thor's body not to calm him down but to force him to move, to respond, to react even just slightly to his desperate pleas. "Thor" he keeps repeating, looking down at him. Panic and pain and confusion: a whirlwind through him as much as outside of him; the snow is suddenly changing into ice, the ice turning to blunt swords and the hall getting uncontrollably colder as Loki tries to shield Thor. Shield him from himself. When Odin and a dozen of guards storm down the hall, the whole place's almost impossible to be not only because of the cold but because of the snow and the unnatural wind storming through too. "Loki!" he calls, scared and furious. He’s looking at him with the same disdainful glare he reserves to monsters.
"I did not mean... I didn't know..." Loki mumbles, retracting and crawling back from Thor. He’s suddenly disgusted with himself, and looks around scared and stunned by what he's done. The cold inside him grows more and more, as his tears turn to ice, and the sight of Thor being brought away is blurred by them.
"Luckily, Thor survived. But you are dangerous, Loki" Odin growls, after calling for him to his majestic, though eerily empty, throne room. Loki cannot summon enough courage to look at him, but his eyes soften even just slightly at the news that his brother seems to be fine. As for the dangerous part, well, he knows. He's learned that the hard way, and he's been avoiding everyone ever snce that night because of it. Nobody is going to get hurt by him ever again. "I request you don't stay with each other any longer than necessary", Odin adds, calming his voice and sighing, knowing perfectly what that command means because he's seen them, and he's aware of their bond. He sees Loki's pain in his eyes right after, when the child musters enough incredulity to look straight at him for the first time in days, his jaw dropping and his breath cutting off.
"F-father? Why?" He whines, feeling the unforgiving stinging pain, and cold unknown hand, clenching around his heart again.
"You are dangerous" Odin repeats, "and it is not your fault, but we all need to be safe from your power. It is not wise for any of us to be around you. We need to be safe, and while I understand your pain it would be foolish to put your brother in danger again." Loki keeps staring at him, frowning, like his own father was suddenly speaking a foreign language, but he's heard perfectly and somewhere inside him the cold is taking over already.
His eyelids flutter and his head slowly leans forward in a painful but accepting nod. Then Odin stands, getting closer to him and placing a big hand on his head. "I am truly sorry, Loki. Neither me nor your mother wanted to come to this."
His words keep ringing in Loki's ears from that moment onward, whenever he crosses Thor's sight and he forces himself to look away; whenever night falls, and Thor stops by his door, confused and pained, storming it with powerless fists and calling for him. "Do you want to build a snowman?" his voice keeps asking every night, deeper and stronger as days pass, until he eventually just gives up. And while he grows big and strong, healthy, still energetic as he used to be as a child, Loki somewhat restrains his own growth, like a plant being forced to absorb less water and grow slower until it eventually stops. He learns to adapt to the cold shadow where, clearly, he belongs. Not that he stops doing magic altogether: along with ice he learns to change his own body and to create illusions with the charitable help and love of Frigga, his mother, the only one who hasn't given up on him. Whereas Thor grows up surrounded with love and glory, Loki just restrains himself, and covers his appearance. He reads books in the loneliness of his room dreaming of those days when he and Thor weren't treated any differently and ice was a gift, not a curse.
"Hello, Loki" says Thor, having long accepted the fact that greetings are all they can say to each other these days. They grew distant for a reason he never understood, a reason that Loki somehow always refused to give him. Loki has accepted the pain of keeping apart from his brother, instead. He can even pretend he doesn't even feel it anymore, as he just nods and walks away from him. This time, however, Thor stops him with his big and strong hands around his tiny wrist. "Loki, I need to talk to you."
"Get away from me, brother!" Loki hisses immediately, fear running through him again. Fear and anger, like a feline feeling trapped. He's physically weak, he cannot break free. Ice crackles to his fingers but he's controlling himself. He's not hurting him, not this time. "I just want to talk to you!" Thor insists, pain and confusion flowing up to his eyes and reminding Loki of when they were kids.
"Please, do not touch me. Please" he repeats, as he keeps on trying to break free, with strong and desperate movements.
"Why do you keep ignoring me?"
"Just let me go!" He says, louder, his hands getting colder and colder and his innate magic starting to get out of control. Freezing wind starts to blow, slamming the windows open and making everybody shiver, right in the middle of the crowded hall where they used to play. "Please, Thor, let me go" he pleads, looking straight to his eyes and looking pained enough to make Thor let him go. He looks utterly confused, like a kid, like the child he used to be all over again, and it hurts because Odin told him, "he cannot know!" back then. He rushes back to his room, slams it shut, locks it for nobody has to see him set free all the painful ice inside of him. The next morning, snow is forming on his ceiling, falling on his face, and he does not feel its cold.
And Thor's asked Odin too, but never got any satisfying answer. "He just needs to stay away from you, Thor" he keeps hearing. When he asks why, Odin and Frigga exchange worried looks and refuse to offer him a convincing explanation. What's always seemed unnatural has become, finally, a norm for them. But not for him. "But why, father?" he asks for what seems to be the millionth time, and still the answer is a seemingly empty look from Odin, a mildly pained one from Frigga.
"We cannot explain it to you. And Loki cannot explain it to you either." they say. "So, please, just stop asking. He is your brother, but for your safety it's better for you to stay away from him".
"He's stubborn though" Odin considers once Thor has left. "I wonder how long we can keep it from him." Frigga doesn't add any comment, looking down at her hands and wondering if she's given Loki enough love.
The day Odin decides to abdicate in favor of Thor is expected to be a glorious day. The Sun shines on the whole kingdom, banners wave with what seems to be the mere power of joy and excitement, everybody's humming songs, merry melodies are in the air and happy words get exchanged. The wind is placid and caresses everybody's skin pleasantly like it a was blessing to each and every one of them. It's a perfect day, and Thor's calm happiness washes away everybody's worry. Frigga and Odin look down at him with pride and amusement as he walks around strong and fierce. What about Loki? He is closed in his room, watching everyone else from the window, a book idly dangling from his fingers. Rather than reading it, right now, he prefers to concentrate on the soreness of his hand, a throbbing hurt caused by his own magic. The pain that he keeps inflicting himself, after all, is the only sensation he knows, along with loneliness. Somehow it's like he never gets enough of it. Pain has become addictive, though he almost seems to not feel it anymore. It has grown into a anger he doesn't know who to address to, besides himself, and it sleeps inside him like a beast ready to wake up. During the day, it does, but not because he wants it to.
Thor, after being crowned, runs to his room, storming the door with punches, requesting to see him. "Loki! Come see me! I'm a king now!" He says; his voice filled with sheer joy of sharing such a good news with his brother.
"Leave me alone" he mutters, looking away to the window again. But this time, he doesn't know about the keys Thor obtained secretly while drinking with his merry friends. Before he can realize that the keyhole clicking means the door's finally open, Thor's big arms wrap around him and seem to suffocate him. Loki is naturally a creator of chaos, and what's in his nature cannot be controlled. His fingers spark with ice again, the cold water solidifying fills the room all at once, and Thor's hold softens just slightly with surprise.
"Thor!" Loki screams, breaking free at once and shivering, horrified by himself. "Thor, I told you to stay away from me!"
"Loki…" Thor murmurs, confused, surprised, even slightly amused and not scared at all.
"I told you! Why did you do this?" Loki yells, tears running up to his eyes. He somewhat feels naked, as his fingers clench around his cape, like he wanted to hide suddenly and disappear forever. Thor's look of confusion doesn't cut it, he's just too convinced of being a monster to see that Thor hasn't suddenly stopped seeing him as his brother. "You shouldn't have done it, Thor" he says, trembling, while his body suddenly starts to disappear.
"Loki!" Thor calls, trying to grasp for him, to make him stay, but all he grabs is thin, cold air. He looks around, the ice making his feet curl with coldness, and at the same time Loki's body recovers to a high peak he used to go to, to make sure he'd be alone when he wanted to. He looks at the castle, and sarcastically tells himself that now he's not gonna have to be alone. And he's not gonna have to abide to anyone's rules.
Now he can just let it go.